Thursday, August 20, 2009

Alright Suckas! Jump The Hell On Back!

So... This move and summer and work and heat and poor and movies and bikes and a whole shit load of other excuses have really put the Ju Ju on my Mojo for the past couple of months. I tell you, I've been like a fat kid at Lazy Camp (sponsored by the fine people at McDonald's). I'm generally pretty neurotic (and a little neurotically pretty... ladies?) but lately my brain's been funkier than Kimbo Slice's jock... or so I've heard (right mom?) (what? I always call your sister mom... she thinks it makes her sound older)... anyway, where was I? Oh yeah... Thirty4Point5 (brought to you by the obese, lazy, Big Mac eatin', illegal sister porkin', somehow knowin' how Kimbo's jock smells people of... well... me) !

Now, because I love you all, and some of you more than others (Ashley, I'm still waiting... I know you're busy and shit but sooner or later I'm just gonna have to move on... I hear my left hand is back in town too and looking for some kicks... by which I mean masturbation... get it? me neither) I'm going to kick off the relaunch of this Awesome-Awesome (that's like almost the same as Really Really Really cool) Blog (which, lets face it, is really more like a receptacle of rad), with the official return to, with and of... Thirty4Point5 Presents: Totally Wasted Movie Reviews #3 - The Last House On The Left THIS FRIDAY NIGHT!!!

Now, a little history lesson... no... wait! Come back... I don't mean stupid history like with facts and junk... I mean my history as it relates to this film! No? Still not coming back? What if I promised you hookers? No? Still going, heh? You'll be back... Anyway, when I was pretty young I saw the original Wes Craven version of this movie. If you've seen it you probably know that it's pretty harsh... and to a 12 year old boy, it was almost as brutal as that same boy at 9 years old seeing the rape scene in Clockwork Orange (starting to get an idea of my formative years?). I've been a horror movie buff my whole life, but I never wanted to see that film a second time. A couple of years ago they re-released it on a special edition DVD. The day it was released, I went to the store on my lunch break, tracked it down, snatched it off the shelf, turned it over to see what special features were included and spotted the few images on the back of the case. Those few images were like a kick in the nuts... without the actual kick... or the pain associated with kicks to the nuts... so I guess it wasn't really anything like that at all... but it did affect me enough that I turned the case around, put it back on the shelf and went back to work without it. It affected me that much.

Fortunately, since Hollywood has officially run out of new ideas, Last House on the Left has received the generally awful modernization remake... except, I hear this one is pretty good. So good, in fact, that we're gonna put it to the test to see how it holds up against way too much tequila! Arriba! Until then, here's the trailer:

See you Friday!


p.s.... we still <3 Ashley Greene!

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